Such a simple skit but his performance in this is magnificent. I think I looked up some other videos from them, but they didn’t quite manage to capture anything equally as hilarious.
That skit how they use shotguns in movies never fails to get me though.
That fancy magic won’t protect him from a .308.
What about testis tortius?
I laughed out loud at this. I know the Reddit sub always makes this joke. Does it have origins before that?
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you’re going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here’s why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol’ American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let’s see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren’t looking at it–you’re looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it’s because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you’re going to say: “But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!” Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don’t think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort’s wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry’s would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let’s see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now.…Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can’t be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
“Well then I guess it’s a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1.”
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Heads up Harry might wanna shelve the Barrett. Idk if the .50s are having the same issues as the m22s, but https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrzR9tsg1ao
God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
This had me in stitches
It’s my favorite copypasta. I can’t believe I was the first in this thread to post it.
Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
Classic copypasta.
this is basically Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.
IF I WENT TO HOGWARTS I WOULD USE PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
NO MAGIC SPELLS ARE GONNA WORK ON ME
I’D BE SNAPPING SOME WANDS SUPLEXING THE GOBLINS
POLYJUICE POTION?
NAH IM DRINKING CREATINE.
WENGARDIUM LEVIOSA?
HOW BOUT YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.
AVADA KEDAVRA?
AVADA THESE NUTS.
Beautiful
Also remember mine friend 9mm kills the body .45 ACP kills the soul. By the power of John Moses Browning those horcrux bullshit aint gonna survive the invention of one of the only respectable Mormons.
That’s why us Latinos aren’t represented in the series. Jose el Mago would have walked up to the guy and just shanked him a bunch of times and taken his shoes
Probably a good thing JKR didn’t include any Latin American wizards in the series. They probably would have ended up practicing a form of magic that was basically just Aztec blood sacrifice. No way it wouldn’t be racist as fuck. This is Rowling we’re talking about. Her goblins are thinly veiled Jewish stereotypes, she has happy house slaves, and the African wizards are literal witch doctors.
Rowling was always known to be slightly racist but people mostly dismissed it as a sort of fantastically stupid racism. As in, the “ha ha this racist stereotype is so dumb, see how ridiculous it looks when I put it in my wizard book” sort.
I don’t think it was until she started going full TERF that people began to realise that she’s not making fun of the stereotypes; she actually thinks casual racism is a funny and cute thing to do.
50 Shades of Grey was a Twilight fanfic.
What I’m saying is, my good sir… Youre onto something magical here.
The one on the right saying ‘would’ absolutely makes it.
idgi
‘Sorry, i have to kill you in a messier way now’ while revealing the fact they’re absolutely ripped.
To which the goblin responds ‘would’[fuck with that in a sexual manner]
Thanks
Sometimes I feel like these stories are just generated content or made up, like a fairy tale. Well, if they’re posted too often, maybe they are. I’ll probably pass by because I can make up a story about another anon myself lol.
“I got 57 more goddamn rounds in this 4 rounds magazine”
“Alakablam”
Holy fucking shit, amazing. Saved and sent that to a few of my friends. Thank you for improving my day.
Its been done look up “Harry potter and the deathly weapons.”
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/HarryPotterAndTheDeathlyWeapons
https://archive.org/details/harry-potter-and-the-deathly-weapons-2020-1080p
“The more sophisticated a magic system is, the funnier it is to pull out a gun”
Snape, probably
Sounds like something Pratchett would say
Broke: Guy with a wand
Woke: Guy with a gun
Bespoke: Guy with an ACME industrial magnet to reflect all the bullets back at the people firing them
In the American version of the books, they changed kids hexing each other in the corridors for shooting each other instead, to make it more believable.
Harry shotter and the chamber of bullets.
Gary Hunter and the Prisoner of Alaska, man
“Gary Hunter and the Gatling Gun of Fire”
Gary Hunter at the Border of Phoenix
Gary Hunter and the Half-Bled-out Prince
Their calculation was American kids are too dumb to know what a philosopher is, but they can strip an AR-15 blindfold.
deleted by creator
360 mid-air no scope with a Barrett .50 cal.
It’s over Miss Granger. What do you say?
I cast ICBM
As if they didn’t have some simple hex that can protect them from physical projectiles.
They would have been killed a long time ago by arrows.
Expecto Ballbearium!
It wouldn’t even get through a wizard’s robes, they’re enchanted with protego charms (at least according to the books)
Use white phosphorus, good old Willy Pete don’t discriminate he just incinerates. Well actually he maims but who cares wizards didn’t sign no convention or protocol.
I think Buffy taught us that you’d be surprised what can be killed with a shoulder fired anti-tank weapon.
Written before these books, and yet so much more considered.
Hot magnesium rounds.
Gotta say the words quicker than they can pull the trigger and they have mutliple sylable words try saying one of these before you can click your mouse. Yeah I know super skilled ones don’t need to but you still have to react.
- Arresto Momentum
- Protego
- Protego Maxima
- Expelliarmus
- Accio
- Stupefy
Don’t have to say any words when it is a basic protection hex. It automatically activates.
Bummer jk Rowling never made sense out of dueling, or casting spells silently, or apparating sometimes is okay but mostly not. Even if she wasnt an asshole, trying to draw a logical line through the books is absurd.
Bummer jk Rowling never made sense
I think the world building in the Harry Potter series is awful. The rules don’t make internally consistent sense, and the society that came up around those rules also don’t make sense within the motivations of how people behave in that society.
It’s so obvious that she was coming up with shit as she went along.
The Deathly Hallows were a huge asspull. Trying to make an overarching story was a mistake, the story worked best when it was “monster of the week” standard children’s fare. That kind of format can tolerate the “I’m going to introduce something new that should have wider consequences and then forget about it immediately afterwards” problems (Time Turners, Legilimency, polyjuice potions, love potions…)
Also a bummer that she turned out as a raging anti trans hateful nutcase.
Could you continually apparate fresh ammo into your gun?
Harry Potter, the Kalashnikov and the oil freighter.
Harry Potter and the Rocket Equation.
I think we need someone to take the world of harry potter and make it brutally realistic.
Not the same but… Mashle
So many other settings did this better.
Guns are a lot faster then arrows. There wouldn’t be enough reaction time.
In the books it explains that wizard robes have charms against physical attacks woven into the threads. They’re wearing full body bulletproof vests.
Just shoot them in the face?
There’s no reason wizard hats can’t shield the face from bullets. In fact, in the later books there might be a hat that does basically that IIRC.
Besides which, wizard hats have wide brims. And they have scarves.
In the face. Where there is no cloth. Also, just shoot them with a shotgun. That’s gonna hurt like hell and bruise the shit out of them if the threads manage to stop the bullets.
Just keep shooting at it until it dies. Doom advice.
Where in the books does it say that?
During the Dumbledore’s army arc, I think book 5. I don’t really care enough to go back and find the quote, but it was a fairly significant plot point in the resistance movement.
Apparently, the clothing with permanent shield charms are an invention of the Weasley Twins (https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Jinx-Off). So, not as widespread in the wizarding world as you assume. The article on the shield charm itself lists that most wizards can’t produce a functional shield charm (https://harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Shield_Charm), so yeah, guess a muggle with a gun could kill most wizards. I apologize for linking to fandom.
Joanne really gave her child army some bulletproof t-shirts.
Oh, I must have misremembered. I knew their clothes had charms in them. It makes sense that it wouldn’t be something most people would need outside of a conflict.
Yes but imagine magic infused guns
I mean yeah, one Bayonetta could take on the entire wizarding world with both hands behind her back.
with both hands behind her back.
… a gun in each of them, killing two targets at once, mid-backflip, while delivering innuendo.
By that logic every attack can be protected against when clearly thats not the case.
Every basic attack like physical attacks.
Not magical attacks.
Lil magic nerds halfway through “Avada ka-” before a 5.56 round blows out the back of their skull.
If you get to the point where a gun is required, you have already lost something.
Yeah, use land mines and claymores instead far more indirect and I don’t there’s magic that can reverse being turned into chunky salsa. Also never have just a gun have multiple preferably in multiple directions so the ones using the guns can’t be taken out in one fell swoop.
Might as well nuke the zone at that point.
I feelime theres artillery and high yield explosives in between land mines and nukes.
TBH I think the dark wizards are better with covert ops so letting them learn about explosive devices might be a bad move.
First they have to figure out what the fuck is killing them, depending on how it’s used an explosive doesn’t really explain what it was beyond being an explosive. A short fuse grenade duck taped to the inside a door doesn’t leave a lot after it’s gone off, sure you know Frank the evil wizard is at best screaming in agony and missing a limb after an explosion but beyond that? Also it’s kinda a trope that evil wizards are technophobic and only want to rely on their magic, the ones who don’t are often the dangerous ones though in a lot of media they are also hermits who want to commit crimes against nature in peace.
I remind you that Voldemort would have to die from it like 7 or 8 times.
He is cheating.
