• Gabe Bell@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      175·
      6 days ago

      A joke is when you say

      "A guy walks into a bar with a dog, and he says ‘I’ve got a talking dog’.

      And the barman says ‘No way’.

      And the guy says ‘No trust me, and he’s also really smart. If you give him £5, he’ll do whatever you want’.

      So the barman gives the dog £5, and says ‘bring me back a newspaper, and don’t forget the change’,

      Then the dog says ‘okay’ because he’s a talking dog. Then he walks out the pub.

      They wait. Then they way, then they wait, then they wait. Then it’s two hours later and the dog hasn’t come back.

      So the guy and the bartender go out looking for the dog.

      They look all round the town, then eventually they find the dog down an alley with a lady dog, and they are clearly getting it on hot and heavy.

      The guy is shocked and he says ‘HEY! What are you doing? You’ve never done this before!’

      And the dog calls back ‘I’VE NEVER HAD THE MONEY BEFORE!’"

        • Gabe Bell@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
          111·
          5 days ago

          Really? Cause I think an anti-joke would be :-

          I took my girlfriend to the dance, but first I went to get her some flowers. It took me forever, because there was a very long line at the shop for flowers.

          We arrived at the dance, and she asked if we could have our photo taken. But it took us forever because there was a very long line to get your picture taken.

          I went to get her some snacks, but it took forever because there was a very long line at the snack bar.

          Then she asked if I could get her some punch, and I went and got it and brought it back, and it took no time at all.

    • Gabe Bell@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      1912·
      6 days ago

      Why?

      Speaking as a straight, white guy you think there is a limit to the stupidity of straight, white guys?

      • MBech@feddit.dk
        191·
        6 days ago

        Well supid straight white guys are just usually not THAT proud of their 3 inches.

          • glimse@lemmy.world
            113·
            6 days ago

            Ah yes, stupid straight guys are always bragging about having below average dicks and not exaggerating the size.

            What the hell is this comment lol

              • glimse@lemmy.world
                51·
                6 days ago

                You must run with an interesting crowd if you think it’s normal for lesser-endowed adults to publicly share their size lol

                • MotoAsh@lemmy.world
                  31·
                  6 days ago

                  Nah, just normal for adults to not be that embarassed by trivial BS.

                  Though I do suppose maturity has been on a steep decline lately…

        • rumschlumpel@feddit.org
          2·
          6 days ago

          Aww, it’s so cute, tho! (this is phrased as joke, but I’m also serious about it. Small dicks are seriously underrated).

            • rumschlumpel@feddit.org
              3·
              6 days ago

              To the tune of Baby Got Back: I like, small, dicks and I cannot lie!

              But seriously, 3 inches are plenty. Just about the only sex act that’s going to be be more difficult with it is deepthroating, which most people can’t and won’t do anyway. Most other acts are usually the same or easier because there’s less ground to cover, and you’re less likely to get hurt when you’re receiving. Who needs to get their insides stretched? Not me.

              And it’s just cute!

      • Stillwater@sh.itjust.works
        112·
        6 days ago

        Most stupid straight white guys don’t admit to having a small penis, even as a joke. It’s too immasculating. If its real I commend his confidence.

        • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world
          5·
          6 days ago

          But many of us do. I’m always joking about packin a tic tac. It’s not true, but it’s funny.

          Self-Deprecating humor is huge. You should try it. Highly recommend.

          But I do agree, there are some very loud and insecure guys who would be horrified by self depreciation.

        • GoddessGundy@lemmy.world
          3·
          5 days ago

          Naw. I hear it all the time as a bartender. I think self deprecating humor is the outward intent. (Make the lady laugh)

          But there’s another motive. Manage expectations: If they do happen to see your junk, they’ll be impressed because they assumed you weren’t lying.

          And if you don’t mind me sharing all my side thoughts, let’s be real here. A dude can make your night with three inches and a dude can ruin your night with 8. Size is only just one of many variables when it comes to sexual compatibility but it’s one of the most popular that society focuses on.

          I also don’t know why this is being coached as a gay vs straight thing because in my little bubble of anecdotal evidence, my non-straight friends/gamer friends/customers/coworkers/family focus more on size than their straight counterparts do. But they use the same fucked up humor! Honestly, they can tend towards more raunchy and uncouth humor, which I happen to love. It’s to the point where I’ve grouped many of my facebook friends into their own separate group that I’ll post to so as to not offend or traumatize some of my young and old friends and family.

          The straights are OK. At least the same as they always have been. We’re all a little fucked up, but that goes for everyone.

          • rumschlumpel@feddit.org
            2·
            5 days ago

            Naw. I hear it all the time as a bartender. I think self deprecating humor is the outward intent. (Make the lady laugh)

            But there’s another motive. Manage expectations: If they do happen to see your junk, they’ll be impressed because they assumed you weren’t lying.

            These sound kinda smart TBH. I suppose there could be dumb guys who aren’t too macho to joke about having a small dick, but the dumb macho guys definitely tend to be louder.

        • DeceasedPassenger@lemmy.world
          5·
          6 days ago

          Most but definitely not all. Once had a friend who proudly joked about his “4-inch punisher”. Seems like the sort of thing he wanted to get ahead of instead of letting other people talk about first

  • 58008@lemmy.worldEnglish
    121·
    6 days ago

    Maybe the father is a scumbag and cheated on her during pregnancy, so she posted this as a diss? That’s the only way this could make even a modicum of sense to me 😆