If your ex-wife found herself in a situation where she had to go without her meds she’d certainly struggle a lot harder than with her meds. How is that any less a disability than a PTSD victim needing antidepressants to quell their unending anxieties, or someone hard of hearing needing electronic hearing aids in order to hear better?
ADHD is objectively a disability. Medicine to make it easier to deal with doesn’t make the disability stop existing. Hell, there’s a number of people for whom stimulants don’t work, or who need unreasonably high doses in order for it to work. The existence of medicine doesn’t make their disability less disabling.
Goodness, there’s a lot of hardcore denial in your edit. I suffer from a similar level of “society/people expect utter perfection of myself” so I understand why your instinct is to deny the possibility of having a disability.