I’m late almost all the time too Dx however my anxiety has an iron grip on my finances so I will probably never have to deal with overspending and financial ruin.
The problem is that my anxiety has convinced me that homelessness and bankruptcy is right around the corner at all times so I can’t even enjoy the fact that I’m financially stable.
It’s still a stupid way to look at it.
First of all: male feminists can indeed feel entitled to women as well as men who aren’t feminist can just feel socially lonely and not being obsessed with women who don’t date them.
I think it is dumb to have leftist and feminism as a criteria for a man being a good person or not. It is a reductive way to think about the issue and very tribalistic.
Second of all: There are many people out there, not just men, who aren’t obsessed with the culture war, who still struggle with loneliness and the problem is multi faceted. Off the top of my head these are some of the issues I spot in the developed world that causes the loneliness epidemic:
long workdays and lower pay than in the past. People are exhausted and poorer than they were in the past. There is not much energy left after work to go be a productive, social member of society.
phones and social media. Today it is easier to connect with people than ever before, but it is also a time waster and it opens the door to people forming friendships and romantic connections with people who are geographically very far away.
this leads to physical loneliness. I am partially guilty of this myself. Most of my close friends live very far away from me and I don’t get to see them often as a result. I miss having friends close by that I can just walk down the street to hang out with or go on picnics with. I don’t spend time with people in my local area because I don’t have as much in common with them, nor do I have the energy to form new friendships when I’m off the clock.
the lack of investment in local communities. People don’t want to invest time and effort into their local communities by volunteering for clubs and gatherings. Most people would love to have these clubs where people meet and hang out, but no one want to carry their load to make it work.
this is of course a mix of the aforementioned exhaustion from long work days but it is also due to the individualistic ideology that has gradually replaced the communal ideology that used to be much more prominent back in the day. There is no willingness to sacrifice one’s own comfort for the comfort of the collective. “Screw you, I got mine” is a very in fashion mindset and we all do it to some extent.
institutions. I like institutions as a concept and I think they are important to have, but I also have to admit that the more institutionalized our society has become, the wider the gap has become between us. Someone is mentally ill? Throw them in a clinic. Someone is getting old? Off to the retirement home? Having kids? To kindergarten and daycare they go while mommy and daddy work themselves to the bone. In the olden days the community took care of each other’s sick, elderly and the kids. It wasn’t perfect then either, the tendency to just drop burdens off on institutions has contributed to us distancing ourselves from the familial and community based system that we used to live by for thousands of years.
governments prioritizing economic growth and technological advancement over families. This is just a fact. South Korea is the prime example of what happens when an advanced society systematically prioritizes growth over stability. The encouragements to get educated and get a career and climb the ladder and push push push for excellence utterly destroys and isolates youths from forming important lifelong friendships and romantic relationships. They do not have the time. Also, due to the cost of living crisis which is part of the growth priority, there is close to zero actual investment in giving people the time, breathing room and finances to start a family.
These are just the first few issues that pop into my mind as part of the bigger issue with the loneliness epidemic.
To boil this issue down to “men outside of leftist and feminist circles are just mad they can’t get laid” is so fucking stupid I don’t even have words for it. My point still stands.
I think it is funny how you post this, then in the comments deny that this is the type of opinion someone like you, a proud leftist feminist have, and that it is actually most men who think like this.
depends on your circles. in feminist and leftist circles, it usually means the first but most men outside of those circles use it just to mean “im not getting the dates i am ENTITLED to 😡"
If that is the case, why did you make this post? What was the purpose of your post if this isn’t how you think about lonely men? What did you want to achieve with it? I can tell you, that you’re not going achieve anything positive.
I assume you’d like to be treated with respect and compassion yourself since you have that blåhaj attached to you. That respect and compassion is a two way street.
The fact that SOME men feel entitled to women doesn’t mean that most men think or feel like that. The loneliness many men (and women for that matter) feel is very real and it is a far bigger and more complex issues than just “lawl, can’t get laid”.
I personally know what it is like to be mistreated by very bad men. It left deep scars on me that I have to carry for life. However, I promised myself that I would not become a man hater back when I was going through my trauma. I refused to let a couple of asshole determine how I would meet the world and the men in it. It would be unfair to those who had never done a thing to me and it would be unfair to myself because I was better than that.
You too are better than this and you either have to start treat all people with respect and compassion if you want the same in return or you need to own that it is in fact not “most men” who think like this, it is you who think like this. Stand by your convictions and own them or change course because you know that what you’re putting out into the world right now is ugly and reductive.
Ngl, the thought of ever getting to own my own home is still so far out of my reach that I just don’t think about it as a possibility most of the time.
Sure! If you tell me a little bit about your tastes and interests I’ll probably be able to throw something at you that you may or may not have seen before, but probably do like!
What are some of your favourite movies, games, books etc? What are some of your hobbies and interests? What subject(s) lights a flame in you and makes you passionate? Could be anything from entertainment, to career to lifestyle etc. I don’t need much more than the broad strokes and only share what you’re comfortable with, of course. Then I’ll look through my letterboxd and see what I can find. Haven’t watched every movie ever - far from it, but have watched quite a lot of films and know random shit about many films I have never seen as well. Some genres I’m more well versed in than others, but can probably still point you in some kind of direction that will work for you. 😊
Most areas where I excell are largely useless to the general public, but if ever you’re in need of a you-tailored list of movie recommendations, hit me up. I have a pretty good track record of recommending movies to people.
I work in a completely different field, but you last paragraph mostly sounds to me like a typical young person entering the job market. There is this false sense og confidence, pride and know it all when graduating. I’ve just seen it a few too many times and I remember how confident and skilled I thought I was when I got out. At the same time, there’s some anxiety and fear of doing a bad job and admitting fault may make you seem weak or unskilled and you want to impress the mentors and blah blah blah.
It is a bit funny to remember how I thought I was going to be helpful to colleagues who were way more experienced than me and then years later I’m being talked at by soon to be graduates who are trying to be helpful by sharing tips with me that I already do on the daily or don’t do because I learned years ago they don’t work. And when I try to give them advice or instructions it’s like they just space out and hear what they think I mean and then do something completely different from what I ask of them, haha. I can’t be mad at it, because it’s just a part of learning and growing into your career. I think it would be a mistake to think that a newly graduated person in any field will be able to hit the ground running without any hiccups.
Maybe I’m just a bit of a softie when it comes to young people, but I just remember how eager I was when I was in their shoes and how incorrect my assumptions were when it came to what my elders expected of me. It all came gradually as I learned how to be a professional and how to solve tasks and find my rhythm. I imagine new generations on the market can’t be much different from myself in that regard. 😊
Don’t worry, my fair tech-literate maiden. I, a tech-dyslexic, am here to bring down the collective IQ and make the chamber echo less. You can thank me later, for adding some much needed intellectual diversity to the mix.
I’m too lazy xD
Would have said Danny DeVito, but we all know he would be the perfect James Bond.
You are missing the point. It’s not about being mean or not mean. It is about acknowledging that bad people are still people. Doesn’t change the fact that they suck and deserve punishment for the crimes they commit. But pretending like they aren’t human is how you become like them. That is all.
You were essentially arguing that we should not show empathy to people like the guy who died because they wouldn’t show empathy toward us. That is the path to fascism.
Violence does not defeat fascism. Empathy does. Violence is effective at toppling dictators, but if that is all you do, then a new dictator will just take his place. Empathy is what stops the chain of Violence everytime. That is when strong men and women say no to Violence and yes to a better system that treats everybody with human dignity and rights. Even those whom we don’t emotionally feel deserve it. A criminal who has committed a terrible crime should be locked up and not be around the public, but while he or she is in prison, he or she must still be treated as a human because they are one. If we start making exceptions we lose our humanity and take away theirs. Then we have death penalties which sometimes results in wrong convictions and wrongful executions. Emotionally, I can feel that the death penalty is justice, but that is just emotions. In reality, it is one step toward a aystem that stops seeing people as people and that shit trickles down.
Also, having empathy for someone doesn’t mean you have sympathy for them. Acknowledging that someone is a human doesn’t mean you bow down to their world view.
All that was said was that they are still human. Even if we dislike them. That is all. I find it interesting how defensive people are being about acknowledging that a terrible person is still a person.
If we stop acknowledging a bad person as a being a person, we have become what we hate. Its got nothing to do with caring or not caring about a kkk member dying. All we have reacted to was the claim that the guy wasn’t a human. That is the dangerous part.
I mean, I don’t get the love for Apple either, I just didn’t agree with the claim that all iPhone users were the types to discard a perfectly good phone for a new one 2 years later just because the new one was cooler.
The fact that someone can buy a new iPhone after having had an old one crash due to updates is their own prerogative.
I personally have a very low understanding of tech, but to me, it just seems like an industry standard to make phones that won’t live forever. Everybody does it. They could have given us phones with batteries that never wear out. They could have designed the tech to make sure it would work on all phones. They could halt tech evolution to make sure that no phone is left behind. But none of them do.
I originally wanted a button phone after my prior smartphone died. Then my government decided to force a new ID system on its citizens and make it exceedingly annoying and difficult to function in society without a smartphone. So I had to cave and get myself a new smartphone and wave goodbye to button phones forever.
I don’t know how long this phone will last me, but I hope it will survive ten years at the very least. Even though it isn’t an iPhone I avoid updates for as long as the phone allows me to because I don’t want to wake up one day and suddenly have a phone that doesn’t work.
We are all being scammed to some extent. Not just iPhone users.
So we should just give up and become them, is what you’re saying. That works well for two minutes and then you replace the problem with a new one. Russia is a good example of that, lol.
The only one talking about community service is you, I fear. Can’t give credit for anything that wasn’t said.
That would be awesome, ngl. Maybe someday. I’m pretty sure that if a company started selling itself as a build a phone-company they would become quite successful very quickly. If I had the knowhow, I would straight up try and see if this idea has legs.
The point isn’t whether or not it is okay to fight nazis. The commenter only states that the guy who died is still a human even if we don’t like him.
That is a fact. If we start dehumanizing people we don’t like, we open ourselves up to becoming monsters no matter how justified we feel we are.
I struggle with this myself. I have a deep-seated disgust toward narcissists and emotionally, I do not consider them human beings. Rationally, I know that they are and that if I continue to refuse to accept that they are one of the countless aspects of humanity, I open myself up to my own narcissistic aspects, where I see an entire subsection of humanity as lesser than me, as pests instead of human beings with a severe personality disorder that most likely came from repeated childhood neglect and abuse.
It is okay to feel strong negative emotions toward people we don’t like, but we cannot allow ourselves to dehumanizing them because that is how we become monsters ourselves.
Empathy is hard because it isn’t always the easiest or most comfortable path. It can feel downright injust at times, but that is all emotions talking. The more we think about it, truly reflect on it, the more we will understand that choosing empathy over emotional outbursts, will serve us and society far better in the long run. But it is fucking difficult.
I think you’re giving OP too much credit tbh.
That said, it is definitely an issue that affects all of us, not just men. Totally agree there. The fact that some men think it’s exclusively a male issue is of course silly and can be a problem if they end up falling into these Tate-esk parts of the internet, but when it comes to men being lonely, I do take their issues seriously and I’m not so quick to sit and mock them for being in the situation they are in.
I would also be interested in seeing some studies about how loneliness affects both genders and in what way. Maybe there is in fact a higher number of men who suffer from loneliness than women. Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe it is 50/50. I don’t know because I haven’t looked into it.
But no I don’t agree with the OP because the point OP was making wasn’t that everybody is lonely, it was that men who don’t align with her ideology are lonely because they can’t get laid and I think that is a very reductive way to contribute to this specific conversation. It is people like OP who actually helps push lonely guys into the arms of the manosphere and that is why I react harshly to her behavior.