I learned what women want from Saweetie

Only if I can strap dynamite to you first.

Imagine cooking a hamburger using that torch.

Is that a baby monkey she’s blasting?

Self suck or break it off to suck?

Does fisting count as combat?

Hopefully it’s immunity to lung cancer.

I heat myself today
to stop the chill
I focus on the warmth
the only that’s real

Get you own Pretty Heat Machine at REZNOR’S HEATING, today!

“We’ll Heat You and Your Animal!”

Anal leakage

Around the late 90’s anyone remember Olestra/Olean Chips?

Thankfully warning bells went off for me. Avoided my ass leaking.

I’m scared of something like that happening again.

Arguably the best video made by Shmorky for Something Awful before going bat shit insane.

For those of who worked at certain restaurants, you might have experienced a dedicated group of 75+ friends and yes they do meet at the same place everyday. In fact when we were closed they’d camp outside in the parking lot in lawn chairs.

The exact same group of geriatrics… every single day. Honestly it was sad to see one missing and not come back because you knew why.

Lasagna Cat

Hypothetically, if were absent of contaminating the environment by not having that bacteria and instead used nano technology to break down food.

Would we still have microwood in our balls?

Hypothetically, if we were alive during that time period. We would have microwood in our balls and not microplastic?

Yes

• Sam did all the cooking, gathered water, managed supplies, and made sure they didn’t starve.
  → Frodo carried the Ring.

• Sam did the emotional heavy liftin and kept Frodo sane, motivated, and moving forward through hopelessness.
  → Frodo carried the Ring. Well sighing dramatically.

• Sam did the dirty work of fighting off Gollum more than once, including barehanded wrestling.
  → Frodo carried the Ring. Well whining about how Gollum “gets him”.

• Sam did the impossible and carried Frodo up the slopes of Mount Doom.
  → Frodo carried the Ring. Barely.

• Sam did what no man, elf, or dwarf could. Stabbed Shelob and lived to tell about it.
  → Frodo carried the ring. Got poisoned and swaddled by a spider.

• Sam did a solo stealth mission into an Orc-infested tower to rescue Frodo.
  → Frodo carried the ring. Nearly lost the ring and got himself captured.

• Sam did the navigation, planning, and kept them alive in Mordor when Frodo could barely crawl.
  → Frodo carried the Ring (while Sam carried Frodo).

• Sam did the noble thing and resisted the Ring’s temptation, even when Frodo couldn’t.
  → Frodo carried the ring. Than literally claimed the Ring for himself at the finish line.

• Sam did the final act of loyalty and stood by Frodo ready to die, with no thought of glory.
  → Frodo reverted to being useless after he couldn’t carry the ring. So he sat there like a broken po-tat-o.

• Sam did all of this as a swole gardener and working-class hobbit.
  → Frodo was a rich guy’s spoiled nephew who spent his youth reading poetry and skipping stones at the lake.

Frodo was less “Ring-bearer” and more glorified emotional support backpack with trust issues.
Sam did everything. Frodo just carried the Ring and even that nearly broke him.

If the fate of Middle-earth were an Uber ride, Frodo was the guy crying in the backseat while Sam navigated, paid the tolls, and punched a spider.