Shmyes.

For when you need the dogs to sleep with you but not fight with the cats.

I think the AI forgot the nipples. Or somehow the nearly sheer pantie/waist material is not so sheer in the brassiere and matches skin tone perfectly.

I don’t know what the url is, but I remember as a wee child exploring the internet before pictures were quick to load, and the text was all we had, finding a story about a wife discovering her husband sexting with another woman. They proceeded to surprise him, and yes, a strap-on was pulled from a bag. The only phrase from the story that I can recall was him describing it as a telephone pole being shoved up his ass.

…I’ve never been able to find it again. If you find such a thing, don’t ever let it escape you.

Porn, and drawn porn especially, way overdoes precum. In my limited experience, I’ve never had a guy even have precum.

I’ll take some of those. I bet some will even be happy with just one.

Oh my lord, how I would love to get that down my gullet.

Poor guy. He never stood a chance against the super bra! I think the best part of the clip is her laughing and then getting right back to him.

Fuck my christian upbringing, but would you mind fucking me at the same time?

The tight ass upbringing is probably half the equation for his white ‘friend.’

My insulin pump, as an example, violates 1, 2, and 8, for sure. You know what I do with it BECAUSE of that? I ignore most of its warnings. Following all the rules would probably make me care more.

Sex ed is gonna be real spicy.

how I became an absolute master of giving HJs

It’s too bad that we can’t have positive reinforcement for (beginning the introduction to) most sex acts. I like giving head because I love seeing my partner’s eyes roll backwards. It seems like there’s so much taboo that gets us excited and eager to try something, when we should all just be trialing to see what everyone likes.

Damn, the things I could do with my phone’s camera if I had telekinesis would mystify many a strange mind.

God, can you just imagine the exquisite agony? Imagine you and her were on merry go rounds that nearly touch, and each of you reaches out to grab the other but only gets that skin tag. Together, you’re slowly rotating away, the spinning chair beneath you whirling faster, and faster as the tearing rips and rends its way around your arm, then your chest, then your abdomen and legs and toes. The entire time, your world is reduced to an increasing rush of red, streaming past your head as the screams echo throughout the void space you’re falling into, into, into…

And then it ends, the two of you looking across the double diameter of your giant circles, sobbing as you curl into a fetal position, every breath of air across the skin like rusty metal being dragged across your quivering red flesh…

Damn. You got me off good, you did.

Okay, so this is mostly a joke, but since the enthusiasm is there, why not make it the real deal? Do the romance, do the fabulous environment, and then make an evening of it with your whole fist. Get deep, make a puzzled expression, and ask, “what’s this?” Pull out your hand that you’d been magician-hiding the ring in, and present it.

Damn, they’re already pretty small. A tenth of one might not even be felt!

Have a very serious (and hopefully short) conversation with the other half and put all faith in it having a positive outcome.

… I also might start pursuing ideas on how to prove there’s a trickster god or we’re in an alien experiment or in a simulation.

Then I’d test to see what it feels like for the other sex. I’ve always been curious.

Wings are probably clipped, so it can halfway power itself up to roof, but now can’t really fly elsewhere. It probably could get down to the ground or to a nearby tree, but think of it in the same manner as a cat. Technically the cat could get down from the tree, but it would have to act in a manner inconsistent with its entire past life (climbing backwards so the claws get grip). So, technically the parrot could get down, but it hasn’t ever been able to fly, so the action (flapping while on a downwards course) needed to get down just doesn’t seem an option to it. I would bet it’s the same feeling a person gets if they can climb/hike to a high point on a cliff, but then can’t jump down from it to the water.

My lips wrapped around something. For some reason, deepthroating just settled in my mind this week. I’ve been planning for months to get a realistic sized human dildo with a suction cup, and finally got around to doing it. I was pleasantly surprised to get the 6" all the way in pretty swiftly. Technique will have to be worked on, but enthusiasm makes up for deficits, aye?

Then the next random thought drifted along: if I can take the realistic, what about something bigger? So I pulled out the ole bad dragon I have laying around (a medium chance, to clarify), and went a little bit farther than I normally do when playing with it orally. There’s definitely a little resistance as I get it into the pharynx, and I can control the gagging up to that point. I can’t get it much farther though. Angles and a little pushing and lots of spit don’t seem to overcome a barrier of some kind. I’m a little disappointed. I once was told by a dental surgeon that I had a narrow airway, so I wonder if I’ll ever be able to swallow the damn thing. I really, really want the visual and feel of my throat bulging, and I’ve only got my lips to the medial ring, so there are several more inches to go.