Hello,
I have two young kids and lately, I am having a lot of anxiety and sadness thinking about how the current climate crisis will affect them.
I also have regrets because I decided to have children while knowing about the climate crisis. At the time, I was optimistic, but no so much anymore.
It has been hitting me hard the last few days. How do you cope/deal with this as a parent?
Thanks
The biggest winnable fight right now is habitat protection and restoration. Visit natural places with them, show them how to protect those spaces, and plant native plants in your area to help the local ecosystem. Learn about the flora and fauna native to your area and teach your children to recognize and care for them.
Habitat destruction could destroy our biosphere well before climate change, but healthy ecosystems will better withstand CC.
It doesnt solve everything, but it helps.
I try to teach them to be curious but careful with nature. They are still young, but my oldest starts to pick up a lot of things, so this is a new subject that I can start to talk about with her.
We live in a city, so nature preservation is harder to teach, but we could definitely do better to help insects and flora with our little space of backyard. And it is a fun activity.
A backyard is the perfect place to start building a connection with your ecosystem. Your kids are lucky to have that access, and lucky to have you to show it to them
Our generation can no longer solve the problem in our lifetime so it’s critical that people who understand the challenge have and raise children who can hopefully finish our work.
Do what you can build the best foundation you can and instill the value of service in them. Then hope for the best and flight till the end for things to get better.
I’ve read a lot about eco-anxiety lately and one of the coping mechanisms is through community action and what you said falls into this to me.
Even though I don’t feel any better in this moment, I appreciate the thought and it will definitely help me when I will be in a better head space.
Thanks
I have spent too much time taking to my therapist about this issue and that’s why I try to think positively about my children’s impact on the future.
I can only control so much of my life and I can’t control them but I can pass along my values.
I am still looking hard at a career pivot to a more pro social industry but for the moment my efforts are best providing stability and safety. I can take more risks when they are not as dependent on me.
I’m thinking that a hard live is still better than no life. We are born only for a very short time to experience the universe, and we are the way for the universe to experience itself.
If we don’t have children there is no future for us. And I don’t want to leave the future just to desendents of people like a Trump and Musk.
And the future has for the most of out time as homo sapiens looked grimm, constant wars, terrible desieses, hunger, slavery, feudalism, but the biological desire to reproduce has always been bigger and who knows what awesome things the future holds for our desendents, even if it’s just the normal things like falling in love, being able to have their own children, etc. It’s totally worth the hardships.
I like to say that life is banal and exceptional at the same time.
Billions of people live and have lived, so my existence isn’t that special. But to me, this is the only life I’ve lived and it feels very special.
I agree that most of human history has been hard, but I cannot substract myself from my life and I haven’t lived other, harder lives. So it is hard for me to emotionally understand how bad it was throughout human history and make me feel better.
I do truly believe that humans will survive as a species, but it doesn’t change the fact that my children will live hardship and that it makes me really sad.
I appreciate your input, thanks.
I’ve wrestled with this a lot. I had my first kid before I woke up, and my second after (unplanned).
All I can say is, try to raise the people the future needs. My oldest is already on her way to being a great human with a good compass and a big heart. My youngest, a boy, is gonna wash the goddamn dishes. They both will have a critical mind and my library to help.
Civilization is collapsing but the apocalypse isn’t that imminent. Life will go on, for most of us, one way or another. We should make sure its not full of characters from Idiocracy.
I am trying to make my kids happy to the best of my abilities, and hopefully, in time, they will be as curious as I am.
I should definitely think about teaching self reliance when they get older.
I know how you feel. It has also been something in the back of my mind over the past few years and my child is going to face challenges that my parents’ generation never had.
The way I deal with it is to try to future-proof my home and maintain relationships with my family and neighbours as much as possible.
We’ve put in a lot of effort over the past few years to improve our home’s insulation and its longevity, as well as non-energy aspects such as accessibility. The goal is not to be completely independent; that’s not possible in the modern world. But it is possible to build a more resilient lifestyle.
On a community level, we have built relationships with several of our neighbours and now look out for each other; e.g. we keep an eye on each other’s properties when one of us is away, or supported another when they had a medical emergency. We also have a neighbourhood house in our community so that things like bread, fruit and vegetables that would otherwise be tossed by the supermarkets don’t go to waste and people who need them can access them.
The other thing I try to do is advocate where I can. I write to politicians, I support petitions, and I talk with friends and family who don’t share my concerns (a very slow process).
I still have a very young kid, so sleep isn’t good and my energy level is low (contributing to my pessimism), but I am trying to build my community where I can.
I think the next step would be to be more involved in local politics, or more involved in the community at large to feel that at least, I can impact a few people.
Do what you can, where and when you can. Be a good example. That’s all we can do.
As someone who has suffered sleep problems on and off for years, I empathise! It can be hard to do much when one is just trying to stay functional.
Once you can get some decent sleep, though, I agree that getting more involved with the community is an excellent next step. Personally I’m not cut out for politics, but if that appeals to you (or you think you’d be able to manage it), go for it.
I am not made for politics. I love politics, but I am an anxious person and could not deal with the life of a politician.
I would like to teach some day about my field, and give it a sustainable twist. But for now, I am concentrating on survivingy day to day for the next year.
Not a parent but perhaps teach them resiliency and sustainability. Teach them how to adapt and survive. Climate control, energy storage, hydroponics, water filtration, etc.
Control what you can. Let go of the rest.
Letting go is the hard part. When I am feeling good, it is a lot easier. But my mental health has been rough lately.
Fair. I’ve always been able to compartmentalize well, but my brain is pudding.
Cope? I don’t really. Kid has already been alive for a long while now and there’s not much I can do about it so I’ll just hope for the best (however far fetched that is). But believe me that existential dread is there.
I still feel optimism, but right now it is drowned by my eco-anxiety and regrets.
It feels exactly the same as when intrusive thoughts about what if one of my child has a serious illness or injury. We can only do so much and hope for the best.
But the feeling is really hard to shake off.
On the regret thing, we don’t know what the future will hold for individuals or collectively. Yes, things aren’t looking good overall. But what if your kids make massive positive changes to the world as they grow up? (And from what you’ve said they are heading in a good direction for this.)
I totally understand how some people feel they are improving the world by not having kids. There’s a lot of merit to this choice, and I respect that decision. But likewise, a next generation is arguably still needed. And when raised with the right guidance and attitude they can be transformative and help reverse or at least negate some if the bad past generations have done to the world.
Thanks for the response, I am in a better mood today and your response gave me some good feelings.
You’ve been reading the news too, huh?
I wish I knew. I spent the first 30ish years of my life opting out of GHG-producing systems, and trying to get the right people elected. I stopped when I had kids because it was too hard. I dunno. I don’t feel like my advocacy or self-denial helped. And my normie lifestyle definitely isn’t helping.
I really don’t know. Climate change is clearly happening, but nobody seems to care. Back to advocacy, I guess?
Yeah lots of news lately and my eco-anxiety is part just-anxiety from the news.
It is hard because the choice I make don’t seem to make a difference when I look at everyone around me not really giving a shit. I am not perfect by aby means, but I really worked hard to reduce my footprint and still put effort daily to reduce it more.
when I look at everyone around me not really giving a shit. … I really worked hard to reduce my footprint
For years I did this. Didn’t drive. Rarely flew. Mostly vegetarian. Bought mostly second hand stuff. It was a lot of work. It had no appreciable effect on climate change, and made my life harder.
I think the place to concentrate effort is on policy change. Acid rain wasn’t solved (in North America) by buying patterns, it was solved through legislation. CFCs were phased out through lobbying.
There’s definitely a time and place for personal action, but there are so many people that appreciable changes will only come through changing regulations.
I’m thinking, they will still almost certainly have a better life than 99,999% of humans who ever lived. I worried about it more, but after the Russian invasion of Ukraine and after I lost my job for a while, my brain decided ecology is not really that important anymore.
It’s hard. I am enmeshed in modernity fairly thoroughly but I am trying to do better. I have an EV heat pump and all electric house, I try to find others that are also aware of how bad things are likely to get in future, I am doing National Tree Day every year and also growing veges and fruits and herbs at home, and I am trying to limit exposure to and use of plastics (but that is so damn hard unless plastics become illegal…)
Being aware and using that awareness to try and change behaviour is a big focus. But also, don’t be too hard on yourself. We were born into this mess too, we didn’t create it in one generation, and it is likely to be a slower decline from a human perspective rather than instantaneous, though on geological scale it’s basically a blink of an eye. I was super scared of global warming and nuclear war as a kid, and while risks of both have increased I’m still alive and even with a choice to reduce use of certain things, I think I still have a great life, and my daughter has so far too.
Agree with this. It’s hard but just do what you can. If fortunate enough, an EV, and a heat pump. Solar and or a battery. Apart from helping the environment (and I feel better about my excessive power use when it’s mostly from solar), it’s something physical to show the kids and talk about.
For nature, as kudra says, plant some veggies and herbs. Even in a city you can grow a lot in a small space, or balcony. With kids maintaining a veg plot is hard, but go simple and easy. Potatoes require very little maintenance, can be grown in sacks, and the kids get to dig them out the ground. Not a great time of year though, but you have time to plant some herbs or even grow some lettuce and other salad. Gives plenty of opportunities to discuss it all with kids, while hopefully helping your own mind as well.
Just do what things you can, whether that’s growing a lettuce, or installing solar panels or replacing the car. Any action helps, even if it’s just to help your own piece of mind.
I often work on my control influence with my therapist and what you wrote really hit home.
Deep down, the crux is the issue is control: I can’t control everything, so I must focus on things that I can control. Taking local actions is something I can do to make me feel better and make the life of people around me slightly better. I should take solace in that to make me more optimist.
I’m more concerned with getting my children to leave the US, and failing badly, however I try to convince them to move to places with lower waste/consumption per capita, in the hopes they will learn to live like the locals and not be such a burden to the planet, as I have been.
I am not in the US so I cannot comprehend how bad it is for people that didn’t want that to happen, but I do empathize with your situation.
The Maslow pyramid apply here and your concerns take priority over the climate crisis because the threat is immediate.
I wish you good luck with moving your family.
I, for one, appreciate your sympathy.
This year has been a nightmare and we’ve got a long way to go.
Aside from having children - Driving and eating red meat are the biggest contributors that an individual can easily control. Cutting these out of your life can help and might make you feel better about the situation.
If you have an electric car the driving point is slightly less of a concern, and even reducing your red meat intake to a couple times a week will help.
Ultimate, the vast vast majority of greenhouse gas emissions come from giant corporations, Boycotting as many of the major pollutors as you can and encouraging others to do so is perhaps harder than the above but would be the best thing an individual can do.
Rally for systemic change, protest, firebomb an oil companies headquarters. Contact your local representative and ask them what they’re doing to fight climate change. Volumteer with an environmental group.
There’s a lot you can do. Will any of it work? Probably not, but if will help the cause
I like to think that this isn’t a binary problem. Everything I do to reduce my footprint matters. But lately, it has been hard to reconcile my life with the reality of the climate crisis.
By not having more kids.
And by making sure you try to set your kids up to survive in our dying world.
I had my vasectomy, so no more kids.
Never regret your children. Your children chose to be alive at this time, and they chose you as a parent. If they didn’t want to be here, they wouldn’t.
Do your best, control what you can. Control your breath. You can’t control the behaviors of a billion people. You can do a lot to prepare your family for the next 50 years.
What kind of insane rhetoric is this? Children don’t choose to be born, and they certainly do not choose their parents. It’s blatantly false and doesn’t help OP in the slightest.
I agree with your second point but the first point is wildly unhinged and only discredits your generally good advice which is, focus on the things you can control.
People have different beliefs about reincarnation and so forth. If you believe we are just chemical bags than yeah parents are to blame for their children’s existence. But if you believe there is a soul outside, what I said makes perfect sense. It’s not rhetoric is just another perspective.
I love my children to death and will do what I can within my means to make their life better.
However, I do feel that my regrets are valid. I chose to have children when I was optimist about the future, but my optimism has waned.
They didn’t ask to be born, they didn’t chose me, so having children in this day and age is a selfish want.
I do not share your vision but I appreciate your support.
