Several things going on here, and they all blend together.

  • She really, really thinks she’s ugly. Nothing debilitating I guess, but enough to scare me off talking about it.

  • Apparently braces are a Filipino thing, for young girls. She’s 54. Being Asian, she looks more like 40, still…

  • I think the above stems from the vanity of showing, “I’m rich enough to afford dental care and braces make me look young.”

  • Her teeth are perfect. When we started dating I asked how much longer she would have to wear them (bottom teeth only). She laughed her ass off like I was so silly! Said it was a fashion thing.

  • She’s very fashionable, so I feel like mentioning the thing would be a direct assault on her self esteem. No problem saying this or that does or doesn’t look good on her, but this feels way more personal than talking about a dress.

  • Now that we’ve been together a couple of years, I’m scared shitless she will think I found her ugly this whole time. Despite the fact I worship the ground she walks on. Daily.

  • No clue on the cost and we’re broke ATM. Maybe wait till I have a good job again?

Before anyone says it, of course we can speak freely to one another, just a sticky case for the reasons outlined. I feel removing her braces is the one thing she could do to be more attractive, and that would be a pretty (heh) big deal. We both put in the effort to be attractive to one another, that’s no big deal. But this one thing feels out-of-bounds, verboten.

Can’t answer till tomorrow. She’s off work in a minute.

  • shalafi@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    5·
    20 days ago

    Always hard to talk relationships online because they’re complex. I’ll try to answer your question.

    The braces are very unattractive to me. She would do about anything to be more attractive to me. And me for her! If she could see inside my mind, the braces would be gone tomorrow.

    We both make an effort to be attractive, especially to one another. If she hints I need to trim my beard, cut my hair, do or don’t wear a thing, I do that, instantly. I feel couples owe it to one another to keep up their looks. That’s one of the easiest ways to continue attraction beyond the honeymoon phase. Far more to relationships, I’m only addressing this one thing.

    Anyway, if one takes the cynical view I guess that sounds terribly shallow. None the less, we have a healthy relationship.

    If she takes those braces to the grave, I’ll love her just as much. Was just hoping someone could advise me on broaching a potentially sensitive subject.

    • Stabbitha@lemmy.worldEnglish
      14·
      20 days ago

      Maybe just make her aware that nobody in America aside from pedos finds braces attractive?

      • 9tr6gyp3@lemmy.worldEnglish
        49·
        20 days ago

        Agree with this 100%

        Braces are not something you just get rid of. IMO its a decision between her and her dentist, and nobody else. If they decide its time to get rid of them, then cool. Unless the dentist and her together ask you for advice, then I would just leave it be and focus on literally anything else you could do.

        • shalafi@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
          9·
          20 days ago

          This is not an orthodontia thing. They’re like rings or bracelets for her teeth. She never needed them in the first place, never served anything but a superficial role.

              • 9tr6gyp3@lemmy.worldEnglish
                1·
                20 days ago

                Not sure. Do you have a picture of what those decorations look like? Can she take them out? Or are they cemented on her teeth?

                • shalafi@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
                  2·
                  20 days ago

                  Ever seen braces? They’re braces. Apparently the notion that a woman would get them only as a status symbol/fashion statement is throwing some of y’all. Threw me off at first!

                  If they were removable, I’m quite certain I would have noticed at some point in the last 3 years. Then I would have profusely complimented her and would never have posted this!