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One of the better moments of my life was when I confessed a bunch of stuff like this to a friend after flaking on him and he said “Yeah, I know you lied about why you couldn’t make it, you’re a really bad liar. I think probably all of your friends know who you are by now and they like you anyway.”
He tossed it off like the most casual thing in the world, but the whole “you’re not fooling anyone but some people still like you anyway” thought turned into a mantra for me that keeps the imposter syndrome and anxiety manageable.
That’s really wholesome 😊
65% of my flakes are due to the fact that I’m in the dumps and I know I can’t “hold it in” so that I won’t spoil it for the others. The other 35%, something completely drained my social battery either days or hours before - I feel like I’d rather do a week’s worth of dishes than go through 3 minutes of introductory/catch-up small talk.
The anxiety keeps me from being flakey.
what if this is the last straw and my friend group abandons me!?
this would require me to be able to start a friendship to have one to maintain 🥲
Weirdly enough, I’m fine with the small talk. It’s the afterwards that gets me - once the conversation is over I’m replaying it in my head and scrutinizing everything.
Oh, I tend to multitask that alongside the small talk, and it’s very difficult to play up the interest while nitpicking the hell out of the interaction.
Plus, honestly, I’m far more interested in Real Shit™ nowadays. I don’t even have a lot of small talk subjects, I either have niche, in-depth fixations, fetishistic levels of art apreciation (and I don’t care if that sounds pretentious, it hurts to feel the need to dissect a complex song and have nobody with whom to do it), (amateur) philosophy and psychology, and - the Conversation Killer (apparently) - politics.
I don’t care what shade of blue the sky was today when you got here (***except if you’re planning on incorporating it in a painting and you want to tell me about it, I’m all ears!), or who won the local football championship, tell me how life hurt you! Show me the scars, let me see your crazy, and I’ll gladly show you mine! And then throw in some morbid yet funny jokes as a bonus!
Sounds like we should be friends 😅
I’m full of unnecessarily detailed analysis
(For real, if you hmu on matrix I will not mind)
I’m game! However, I’m not really using Matrix, I’m hesitant to dive into social networks too much, which is why I only use Lemmy nowadays :(
Matrix is more like discord ig? You can find groups on there but you could also use jt just for direct messaging
Oh, that does sound relatively benign! Thanks for clarifying it, I’ll give it a spin!
Sure thing! My username should be on my profile, or feel free to dm me on lemmy
I can’t afford to go out so I just tell them all no. No need to make things worse.
Make plans you can keep. No to going to the bar or club. Yes to bringing over a 30 pack and drinking in the backyard grilling. We all have a scene.
what does it mean to be “flakey”?
It means like not texting back very often, making plans and then canceling them, not showing up to stuff, or otherwise just not being very reliable
woahg thads me :o …
